Happy Nonbinary Awareness Week

Nonbinary flag colors are purple, yellow, black and white.

The week of July 11–15, 2022 is dedicated to those of us who BUCK the binary system. We identify outside the binary system of cisgender man or woman, maybe we’re both, maybe we’re neither. We say NOPE to the gender we were assigned at birth. We are forced everyday to choose when we’re trying to say we can’t because who we are has never been an option.Some of us are also transgender in addition to being nonbinary. Some of us are not.

If you are nonbinary human and/or kiddo, a gentle reminder….You are NOT broken. You are loved and seen. If you are struggling, it does get better. I promise. You are just living in a system that taught you to be someone you are not. It taught you to hate who you are, created your own internalized transphobia to tell yourself you don’t belong. These are all lies. You DO belong. You exist and you are real. Do not gaslight yourself into thinking you are less than the whole human you are. Just because someone is a parent, a teacher, a coach, a caregiver, a therapist, a “leader”, does NOT mean they are safe. If they will ask you to prove yourself and your existence, run away from those people. They are dangerous and not to be trusted. Safe people will not abuse their position to devalue your existence. Identity cannot be diagnosed. It is a sense of being. The only proof or data you need is that we stand in front of you.

What have I learned as a nonbinary (and trans) person:

1. Every time I share my pronouns and who I am, I am engaging in an act of rebellion. And people are exhausting because the system was built to erase nonbinary and transgender people.

2. People try to talk me out of who I am all the time whether they mean to or not. Didn’t work before…won’t work now or ever.

3. I had to learn to be proud of who I am. This was not something I was taught.

4. I used to wonder “how” to be nonbinary. Key word “be”…it was more about unbecoming who I was taught to be and embracing my own voice. Transitioning created necessary pressure on all areas of my life… I’m a they/them mom to four phenomenal kids and a they/them wife.

5. Many well-meaning cisgender people like to cloak their discomfort around understanding nonbinary and trans identities by saying things like, “I love nonbinary (or trans) people!” then know nothing about how to be an ally.

6. Toxic people will try to diagnose my gender identity to me or flat out dismiss or ignore me. I don’t chase validation. Putting yourself out there really teaches you to NGAF.

7. I trust and know myself so deeply that I can identify transphobia quickly.

8. I am no one’s experiment or their “best nonbinary friend”

9. My voice is a powerful tool. Partly, compulsory heteronormativity made me not trust myself and it makes others dehumanize people like me. Your discomfort is not my problem.

10. I know I am called to advocate for LGBTQ, transgender and nonbinary youth. If someone had taught me, shown me, had conversations with me about the beauty of being different, life would have been less confusing. Listening to kids tell their stories, their truths, is so healing.